Introduction
Today we are going to continue our journey through the Ten Commandments as we seek to build a foundation that will be of benefit to us when we are searching for stability in this life, especially when we find ourselves in a vulnerable state. Two weeks ago as we began this journey we looked at the idea of Sabbath; specifically, what it is, the dangers of distorting it, and why it is so important in our lives. Last week, we looked at the aspect of reverence that is conveyed by the first three commandments and why exactly does our self-described jealous God demand these ideals, then and now, and how we can emulate that attitude. Today I want us to spend our time reflecting on the idea of honor in the fifth commandment; what is honor, who should we honor, and how can we honor.
Be Careful...You Are Being Watched!
Once there was a little old man. His eyes blinked and his hands trembled; when he ate he clattered the silverware distressingly, missed his mouth with the spoon as often as not, and dribbled a bit of his food on the tablecloth. Now he lived with his married son, having nowhere else to live, and his son's wife didn't like the arrangement.
"I can't have this," she said. "It interferes with my right to happiness." So she and her husband took the old man gently but firmly by the arm and led him to the corner of the kitchen. There they set him on a stool and gave him his food in an earthenware bowl. From then on he always ate in the corner, blinking at the table with wistful eyes.
One day his hands trembled rather more than usual, and the earthenware bowl fell and broke. "If you are a pig," said the daughter-in-law, "you must eat out of a trough." So they made him a little wooden trough and he got his meals in that.
These people had a four-year-old son of whom they were very fond. One evening the young man noticed his boy playing intently with some bits of wood and asked what he was doing. "I'm making a trough," he said, smiling up for approval, "to feed you and Mamma out of when I get big."
The man and his wife looked at each other for a while and didn't say anything. Then they cried a little. They then went to the corner and took the old man by the arm and led him back to the table. They sat him in a comfortable chair and gave him his food on a plate, and from then on nobody ever scolded him when he clattered or spilled or broke things.
This story actually came from one of Grimm's Fairy Tales but I think it still speaks to us today about the importance of honor and how our actions today can influence the actions of future generations.
What is Honor?
So for us to spend our time talking about honor we need know what honor means in this context. The Hebrew word for honor is kabod, which means “to be heavy or impressive.” This idea of heavy applies to the weight and amount of honor. Whomever the object of honor is, is to have great amounts of it heaped upon them. This person or persons are to be considered sacred and absolutely worthy of an enormous amount of glory and honor. For our purposes today, our object is our fathers and mothers. That person or persons that at the very least gave you life, but the very most gave you love. And the honor we are talking about is not a surface allegiance or obligatory respect. Rather we are commanded to heap great amounts of unmitigated adoration and esteem and greatness upon our mothers and fathers in the way we honor them.
But This Does Not Apply to Me!?!
Looking at all ten commandments I believe this one to be one of the more difficult ones to stomach. Realistically, the first three deal with our relationship with God and how we are to view, understand, and act in relation to God. No big news there. The fourth one tells us to rest and spend time with God. Fairly easy to understand, a little harder to enact. The one we are talking about today is the fifth. Six through ten are the “Thou Shalt Nots”, which we will look at next week, but I believe murdering, stealing, and the rest are not hard ones to understand why we should not commit those. This fifth one though, this one is directly related to how we interact with another person. This one is relational with another imperfect human and can have a lasting impact not just on us but those around us.
Now I realize most of you think I am too young to remember Leave It to Beaver and June and Ward Cleaver. And you're right, I am! But I did watch it in re-runs and really enjoyed it. When I think of idyllic role models for parents they come to mind. I do not like their rigid portrayal of 'stay at home mom' and 'earn all the money dad'. But the respect Ward had for June, June for Ward, and Wally and the Beav had for their parents, I really admired. Especially when I really messed up and my dad was strongly encouraging me to not make that mistake again. But when I think of this commandment, if all parents were like June and Ward Cleaver, I do not think there would be a need for me to speak about this.
But I do not believe any of us had a June and Ward set of parents. Partly because none of us were a Wally type of kid. All of us had parental figures that made wrong decisions. However, by and large I would like to believe that the majority of us had parents that were loving, supportive, and nurturing as we were growing up. Parents that we had a solid relationship with that we still remember fondly and hopefully still have the opportunity to enjoy today. Some of us had parents that treated us with a firm hand, and made sure we understood who was in charge. It reminds me of that phrase, “My dad always gave me a pat on the back...some days it was just lower than normal.” Others of us had absentee parents that never paid much attention to what we did or where we were. Others of us had may have had mentally and physically abusive parents. And yet others of us had parents that we never knew for a myriad of reasons. Dealing with other people, especially ones that occasionally disappoint us, can make it very hard to keep this commandment.
But the words are clear, “honor your father and your mother” (Exodus 20:12). There is no performance based stipulations that say honor your father and mother if they acted like June and Ward. Or honor your father and mother only when you feel they honor you. This commandment stands irregardless of how you parents performed their duties in your eyes or anyone else's. I understand that how our relationship is or was with our parents will and does affect the vigor and enthusiasm of how we will keep this commandment. But it does not affect the central reality that you must obey it whether they were good parents or not!
Ah...The Flip Side
As we look at this commandment, we are called to treat mom and dad with respect all the time, in all circumstances. As they raise us, as we leave and gain our independence, and as they age and are in need of assistance. One day when Wesley was a baby, maybe a month or two old, Parker was standing next to me as I was changing Wesley's diaper. Never saw Ward Cleaver do that by the way. Parker, about three years old at the time, watched very intently and then asked me why was I doing that. I told him very seriously that I changed his diapers when he was a baby and I would change Wesley's why he was a baby, all in the hopes that they would change mine when I got older. Parker got a big kick out of that but it is a very undeniable reality today. Children often have to assume the parental role as our life expectancy grows longer and longer.
Therefore, this commandment has a flip side that we need to be aware of. We are called to honor our father and mother not just while they are in control but when they age and need our care and we are in control. Just like that father in the Grimm Fairy Tale. As the grandfather aged and eating became more difficult, the parents, his son and daughter-in-law, tried to discard him, devalue him. However, they were quickly reminded in the mimicked actions of their son, the grandson, of the folly of their ways.
They Are Always Watching!
How we treat our parents is part of a cycle. A cycle that our children and those children that look up to us will adopt.
Malcolm MacGregor, an accountant and speaker, has always stated that his family is his second priority in life, right after his relationship with God. Like any normal male, he feels the pressure to succeed in business at the expense of his wife and children. Our culture doesn't value family half as much as it values wealth and power. But Malcolm has never regretted choosing family over business obligations.
One day a scheduling mix-up forced Malcolm to choose between an important meeting with two clients or a Scouting event he had promised to attend. Malcolm called up the clients and asked to re-schedule his meetings. Both men were upset and threatened to find another accountant. But Malcolm wouldn't budge. He only prayed that God would honor his decision to put his family first.
Later that afternoon, one of Malcolm''s clients discovered new information about his taxes that would have made their earlier meeting useless. And the other client got a call from his brother, who was passing through town. Both men were so grateful that Malcolm had canceled their meetings that they called him up and apologized.
Sometimes life works out like that. Sometimes it does not. Often parents have to make some hard choices indeed. Choices that at the time we may not understand. If we remember that and show honor to our parents then our children will repeat that cycle. This cycle will be repeated, it is just up to us if if it is done in the proper way or not.
Do We Honor Just Mom and Dad?
This brings us to a logical question, that I very briefly want to address, about whether or not we honor just our mom and dad or all adults. This commandment does not say. But looking at the example of how Christ treated the people He interacted with I say it is safe to assume the latter. We are called to not only honor our parents but I believe all people. The kicker here is that if we fail to honor our parents then chances are we will not know how to honor others. If we honor our parents and treat them with heavy amounts of adoration, then it will be much easier to treat all people that way.
How Do We Honor?
Equipped with the knowledge of what honor in this context means, the manner in which we are called to honor, the cycle that is created, and who we are to honor, I want us to turn our attention to how to honor. All of you adults are either parents to your own children or are looked at as role models by others. And I believe the best way to bring honor on ourselves as parents and role models is by giving honor to our children. Our first Scripture lesson today gives us very good advice. Hear the words again from Ephesians, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise — “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord (Eph 6:1-4, NIV).
Again we are told to honor our parents, mother and father equally, but what I want to focus on is the last verse, verse 4: Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Here is yet another angle in which to look at this commandment. We are told to honor our parents, heavily and with great adoration, but I believe there is a level of work to be done on the parents part. Specifically, do not make it hard on your children to honor you. Do not jump to anger, James 1:19-20 tells us, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” Do not make it difficult for your kids to succeed. Set easy goals so they can be encouraged. Do not say harsh words to them because your temper is short or your patience thin. By all means, hold your children accountable, give them high standards to achieve, and demand only their best. But we can do that with love and support and encouragement.
Conclusion
This commandant is only one verse long and I have isolated it today because there is so much in it. We have only scratched the surface of what it entails, but I believe we have hit on the main ideas. You know God calls all of us to definitely treat our parents, and I believe our elders and children, with respect. That respect that God has already given to us. We are not called to model anything that God has not already done. God does not owe you a thing. There is nothing that you have that God needs for survival. But you do have something God wants. You! When you treat other people, especially your parents and parental role models, with respect and honor, you are treating God with respect and honor. You are opening yourself up to receive the blessings God wants to give you. Honor your parents, honor your children, and in doing so...honor God.
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